The six nicknames which show just what a feeble job Starmer's doing as PM

It's been 16 months since Starmer became prime minister, and his greatest achievement so far has been the sheer number of nicknames he's managed to rack up. Labour marched into Government last June after 14 years of prep, only to somehow irritate every single group of people in the UK. And Starmer has earned a nickname for each and every one of them.

The established classic "Two-Tier Keir" was born last year after the Southport riots, when Starmer was accused of running a two-tier justice system in the way protesters were treated. The outrage even crossed the Atlantic, with the likes of Elon Musk calling him Two-Tier Keir. Then came another favourite: "Sir Flip Flop." His legendary U-turns earned him that one, after wobbling on energy policy and the winter fuel allowance - that's the pensioners irritated.

And this nickname will no doubt come back into play when he inevitably flip-flops on the key manifesto pledge of not raising income tax in this month's Budget - that'll be every working Brit irritated.

Next up: "Free Gear Keir." Starmer, like an over-excited child let loose in a gift shop, decided to take more freebies than any recent prime minister. Thousands of pounds' worth of clothes and spectacles flowed in from long-time Labour supporter Waheed Alli.

And then, to really add salt to the wound, Starmer chose to tax the country's food supply while he danced at a Taylor Swift concert and cheered on his beloved football team for free.

That's when "Starmer the Farmer Harmer" emerged (my favourite). Labour thought it would be a brilliant idea to slap UK farmers with a major tax raid, pushing some to shut up shop entirely to avoid spiralling costs - that's what irritated the farmers.

On Bonfire Night, a giant effigy of the PM wearing a "farmer harmer" badge was unveiled, which feels a bit like foreshadowing for how this might all go up in flames before the end of Parliament.

Now we move on to "Sir Kid Starver," coined after his decision to keep the two-child benefit cap, with many arguing he was pushing low-income families further into poverty.

And finally, we have "Never Here Keir," a tribute to the 40 foreign trips he's managed to squeeze in since becoming PM. Forty trips in 16 months.

To be honest, I can't blame anyone for wanting to spend as little time as possible in the UK, given the state of things - but it's not ideal when the one responsible for the mess keeps jetting off and leaving the rest of us to it.

If I were him, I'd just adopt the nickname "Disappear Keir" and stay put in whichever foreign country he ends up in next.