ASK COLEEN 'I'm worried date will be put off when he sees I'm nothing like profile pic'

Dear Coleen

I’m a single woman aged 37 and a few weeks ago I got talking to a lovely guy through a Facebook group we both belong to. The group is for film buffs and we initially connected over a movie we’re both passionate about.

I was surprised and flattered when he sent me a DM to invite me out on a date, and I really want to go, but I’m worried I won’t live up to my profile picture. It was taken 10 years ago when I was much slimmer and younger looking.

What if I meet him and his face falls or he doesn’t recognise me at all?

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I don’t want him to think I’m being deceitful. The truth is, like many people, I’ve just never bothered to update the photo.

I’ve never been that confident in my appearance at the best of times and I’m not good at the dating thing either, so this has thrown me.

What would you do – would you mention it before the date or just show up and hope for the best? I feel we’ve really clicked in terms of personality and interests, and we’re also around the same age, so on paper we’re a good match.

Coleen says

I did the dating app thing for a while and I had loads of pics from professional shoots that had been filtered to hell, but I actually went the opposite way and took my profile pictures at home in my kitchen.

I was conscious of putting up glam photos with full hair and make-up and then going on a date and hearing, “Oh, sorry, I’m waiting for someone else.” So, I understand your anxiety, which I think is possibly greater because you obviously like this guy a lot and share lots in common.

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Hopefully, you’ve built up enough of a friendship to have a laugh about it if he does say something like, “Oh, I didn’t recognise you from your photo”. Then you can just say, “OK, busted! It’s an old photo and I probably should have changed it, but I wasn’t expecting to get a date through the Facebook group”. Take confidence from the fact that you have got to know and like each other without appearance being the main draw.

And if he doesn’t want to see you again after striking up a lovely friendship on social media, then he’s shallow and he’s not for you.

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Also, you seem to be focused only on what he’ll think of you, but you might not feel any chemistry when you meet him in person.

He might not be your type at all. What’s coming through for me in your letter is that you need to believe in yourself more and work on your confidence. I hope this date works out for you but, if it doesn’t, it’s his loss. Take a new photo of yourself and move on.

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